Childless - Love, Camera, and Social Media

For a lot of couples, the struggles that we went through might have driven us apart. For my husband and I thought I think the entire experience of it reminded us how much we truly loved each other.

               We didn’t have kids when we first got married because we were so focused on our careers and ourselves. Working long hours made us really appreciate it when we were home and able to spend time together. To use our vacations to explore the world and ourselves. We always figured that children could wait until we were a little bit older. I even went so far as to freeze some of my eggs. We always intended to have kids once our lives slowed down a bit.

               We started only about a year ago using the frozen eggs and going through IVF treatments in order to have a baby. I know they say 50 is pretty late but we still feel young and full of energy. I didn’t know how complicated it was or how many things could go wrong. I will say that during all the stresses of it my husband was my total rock. There for every appointment, every sleepless night, and every time I cried.

               The last time we spoke to the doctor was about two weeks ago and I have been in a little bit of shock since then. The IVF didn’t work and instead of getting pregnant and having a beautiful baby I ended up sick and in the hospital for a couple of days. I wanted to try again but this was when the doctor informed us that this was the end of the road.

               It was too dangerous to do anymore treatments after the last failure. She couldn’t allow us to continue, and we just sat there and had to listen as we were told having children was off the table for us. Even suggesting couples counseling because the stress of this can be hard on a relationship.

               That comment really stuck with me and I started thinking about the life that I made with my husband. All the things we did together and none of it feeling like a waste. I asked him to be honest about his feelings and he told me that while he was disappointed, he didn’t feel like his life was less because of it.

               We were both devastated when we heard the news and still are upset from it. I think what’s important is that we didn’t blame each other for anything. We still love each other and now the next chapter of our lives will just have to be something else. We just know that we want to do it together no matter where life leads us. Whether it be going down another route for a child, like adoption or deciding to just stay a twosome. As long as I have his love, I know that I can get through anything no matter how bad the news seems.